On Earth As It Is In Heaven...

So today I remembered that Tumblr existed. Haha. I got so caught up in this thing called journaling in an actual book. Which is much better. Especially the journal I have. It was a gift from Mother. It’s a rather large book of brown leather and pages of Gold. I will fill it’s pages and pass it down to future generations. So that that for years to come, my family will be able to see my life, the struggles that I’ve faced, and the ways that I have grown. I’t a bit of an heirloom. That along with my sword. Yes, I have a giant sword. It’s such a ting of beauty. I will give it to my first son when he turns 16. That won’t be for a while. Or will it? Dun! Dun! Dun! Just kidding. I don’t really know. I love the Idea of Marriage and raising a family. To have a wife and kids is my greatest desire in life. I don’t want to be President, or end World Hunger, Or become famous at all. I just want to live quietly with my family in our home. I would like a normal life. Then again, is any life really normal? Yes and no. To us, we are the first in the history of all time to deal with certain things. Things like relationships, anger, etc. That’s why sometimes we think that nobody understands us. When really, every issue that we face, was once faced by someone else. To us, our lives are different, exciting, and dramatic. When really, we all live a normal life. We all follow the script that was written. Whether we know it or not. Regardless of who you are. Rich or poor. Doesn’t matter. When you take away titles and money, we are all just humans living on this planet. No one greater than anyone else. I forgot where I was going with this….

Get rid of that earthly mindset you’re carrying. It’s not doing you any good.

I realized recently that I am in a time of trial. I’m about to hit some type of breakthrough in my walk with God. I can feel it. It’s about to burst. I just need to keep pressing on. The Lord said this  breakthrough will bring everything you have ever asked of me and more. I’m very excited about this stage of m life that is coming up. That explains why I’ve been so down lately. Thanks Heavenly Dad. Love you.

I am not myself. I fear that I am becoming a monster. I cannot think. I cannot connect with God. I cannot connect with anyone I know. I’ve been consumed by frustration and anger. My heart is cold. I’ve stopped caring. This path I am going down is not the path God has for me. If I know that, why do I keep going down it? What will be the thing that pushes back on track? When will I see the sun again? When will this could lift from me? When will I become me again? Will I ever become me again? I don’t know……

I’m very excited about going on the Winter Retreat. Not because it is going to be a fun filled three days with my best buddies. No, actually I probably won’t be conversing with too many people. My goal for those three days is do nothing but spend time with the Lord and write poetry. I feel like that is what I really need to do. I was taking a walk one night with the Lord. I asked about a few dreams that I had. I asked basically for an interpretation. He said to me, “These dreams that I have given you have something to do with the Retreat. Something Dynamic will happen with you on this Retreat.” Then I asked, “Lord, what is going to happen?” He laughed and said, “I can’t tell you. It is a surprise.” I could feel the excitement that the Lord had. I became ecstatic instantly, but at the same time greatly nervous. What I am going to focus on is simply keeping my mind on Him while I’m on the retreat. I want to explore the gifts and abilities that God has given me. I want this Retreat to be a time where I find my true definition, and not just bits and pieces of it. I will admit that I have not been spending a lot of time with God. As a result of this, my mind has become poisoned with Earthliness. My Heavenly mindset has started to slip. I don’t want that to continue. It’s time to get back on track. It’s time to reignite the flame that once burned bright inside of me. It’s time to shine my sword, and polish my shield. It’s time to step into my calling.

Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day…

I’ve been such an ignorant fool. I’ve spent so much time wondering who my wife is. All because of a dream? I’m not saying that my dreams don’t hold truth. I’m simply saying that the truth they hold should not be uncovered until the day is right. I have put my current mission on hold. It’s been on the shelf collecting dust. It is time to put my crown back on and pick up where I left off. I remember a time when I was so in love with God. He was my every meal. He was life. I had regular conversations with him. I dreamed about him. I heard his voice. I had clarity. Then I stepped down from that. I casted it off to the side and took part in a relationship that I was never suppose to be in. I was aware of this fact, yet I ignored and let my sin consume me. Blinded by my own ignorance and drive for something great, I said it was God. I was believing every lie the enemy threw my way. It led me to the point where I was set up for marriage. Then It hit. I knew I wasn’t suppose to be in that position. The wrenching feeling in my gut was telling me so. Then the Lord spoke. Once he spoke, I knew what I had to do. I ended it. Then began the rehab stage. Which I just finished like five minutes ago. Haha. It was a stage of recouping. Filled with unclear thoughts, anger, frustration, the whole shebang. I had to overcome pride. I had to overcome every obstacle that was keeping me from seeing the truth. The truth is that we can have everything and more in Christ. He is the one who brings clarity, peace, fullness of joy. There is a reason why he is the light. He takes us out of the dark places that we find ourselves in. He is everything that matters. Nothing else is important. Nothing else can give us and promise us everything that our Father has. God is love. God is truth. God is peace. God is everything.

I’m caught between two impacting forces. One force is based on something that I have felt for a very long time. Every time I see this force I find myself fighting it’s existence. Then eventually, I acknowledge it and get it in my head that this is the one force that is suppose to be driving me. The other force is based off a dream. Sounds silly, but I take dreaming very seriously. Reason being, I’ve noticed that my dreams come true. I’ve been given a dream recently about a beautiful women with long blonde hair, and green eyes. In the dream this woman was just like me. Spirit and everything. We practically had the same relationship with God. It’s as if we were the same person. She was quiet and calm. She had such a great passion for life and it’s beauty. Obviously, you can tell by now that this is about a women. I will not mention the first women’s name just out of confidentiality. Every time I let go of one, the other strikes me. Should I forget this dream, and pursue the other? Or visa versa? Which path will lead me to my destiny? Which path will lead me to my destruction? Only God knows. He’ll reveal it to me in time. Until then, I have chosen to forget about this and focus on the things that he wants me to do.  

• 1. What is your best friends name? Don’t have one. Don’t need one.
• 2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now? Boxer briefs to be exact.
• 3. What are you listening to right now? In Her Eyes by Josh Groban
• 4. What’s your favorite number? 42
• 5. What was the last thing you ate? A salmon Burger. (I’m a bit of a health nut)
• 6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?  White
• 7. How is the weather right now? It’s sunny outside, so it could be better.
• 8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone? Greg Senecal
• 9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? There eyes
• 10. Do you have a significant other? In good time I shall.
• 11. Favorite TV show? Lost
• 12. Siblings? Yeah, I’ve got like 10
• 13. Height? 6 ft.
• 14. Hair color? Brown
• 15. Eye Color? Brown
• 16. Do you wear contacts? Yes
• 17. Favorite Holiday? Hanukkah 
• 18. Month? June
• 19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Nope
• 20. What was the last movie you watched? Tin Tin and the Secret of the Unicorn
• 21. Favorite Day of the Year? June 26th.
• 22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? No.  
• 23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)? I’ve never tried. I don’t plan on trying either.
• 24. Hugs or Kisses? It depends on the individual. ;)
• 25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla. Chocolate gives me a headache.
• 26. Do you want your friends to respond to this? They are more than welcome to.
• 27. Who is most likely to respond to a text from you? Judah Milner.
• 28. Who is least likely to respond to a text from you? My Mother. She doesn’t check her messages.
• 29. What books are you reading? The 21 irrefutable Laws of Leadership. 
• 30. Piercings? Not in a million years.
• 31. Favorite movies? Goonies
• 32. Favorite football Team? Not a sports man.
• 33. What are you doing right now? Drinking my sixth cup of coffee.
• 34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Butter and salt.
• 37. Dogs or cats? Both.
• 38. Favorite flower? Every flower.
• 39. Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do? Of course I have. I’m human. 
• 40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? Like I said before, no best friends.
• 41. Have you ever loved someone? Loved? hahahahahahahaha. I thought I knew what love was. I turned out to be very very wrong. Someday I will love someone.
• 42. Who would you like to see right now? My future wife.
• 43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? Yes I am.
• 44. Have you ever fired a gun? Haha yeah, I have. Several times.
• 45. Do you like to travel by plane? I have once. I plan on doing it a lot.
• 46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Left handed.
• 47. How many pillows do you sleep with? How many pillows does one man need? I have one head, therefore I use one pillow.
• 48. Are you missing someone? Maybe my soy vanilla latte…
• 49. Do you have a tattoo? Not at the moment.
• 50. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Hahaha noooo….