My name is Aaron, and this is simply just a compilation of all the thoughts that go through my head. Hopefully, you'll enjoy what you find.
So today I remembered that Tumblr existed. Haha. I got so caught up in this thing called journaling in an actual book. Which is much better. Especially the journal I have. It was a gift from Mother. It’s a rather large book of brown leather and pages of Gold. I will fill it’s pages and pass it down to future generations. So that that for years to come, my family will be able to see my life, the struggles that I’ve faced, and the ways that I have grown. I’t a bit of an heirloom. That along with my sword. Yes, I have a giant sword. It’s such a ting of beauty. I will give it to my first son when he turns 16. That won’t be for a while. Or will it? Dun! Dun! Dun! Just kidding. I don’t really know. I love the Idea of Marriage and raising a family. To have a wife and kids is my greatest desire in life. I don’t want to be President, or end World Hunger, Or become famous at all. I just want to live quietly with my family in our home. I would like a normal life. Then again, is any life really normal? Yes and no. To us, we are the first in the history of all time to deal with certain things. Things like relationships, anger, etc. That’s why sometimes we think that nobody understands us. When really, every issue that we face, was once faced by someone else. To us, our lives are different, exciting, and dramatic. When really, we all live a normal life. We all follow the script that was written. Whether we know it or not. Regardless of who you are. Rich or poor. Doesn’t matter. When you take away titles and money, we are all just humans living on this planet. No one greater than anyone else. I forgot where I was going with this….
Get rid of that earthly mindset you’re carrying. It’s not doing you any good.
I realized recently that I am in a time of trial. I’m about to hit some type of breakthrough in my walk with God. I can feel it. It’s about to burst. I just need to keep pressing on. The Lord said this breakthrough will bring everything you have ever asked of me and more. I’m very excited about this stage of m life that is coming up. That explains why I’ve been so down lately. Thanks Heavenly Dad. Love you.
I am not myself. I fear that I am becoming a monster. I cannot think. I cannot connect with God. I cannot connect with anyone I know. I’ve been consumed by frustration and anger. My heart is cold. I’ve stopped caring. This path I am going down is not the path God has for me. If I know that, why do I keep going down it? What will be the thing that pushes back on track? When will I see the sun again? When will this could lift from me? When will I become me again? Will I ever become me again? I don’t know……
I’m very excited about going on the Winter Retreat. Not because it is going to be a fun filled three days with my best buddies. No, actually I probably won’t be conversing with too many people. My goal for those three days is do nothing but spend time with the Lord and write poetry. I feel like that is what I really need to do. I was taking a walk one night with the Lord. I asked about a few dreams that I had. I asked basically for an interpretation. He said to me, “These dreams that I have given you have something to do with the Retreat. Something Dynamic will happen with you on this Retreat.” Then I asked, “Lord, what is going to happen?” He laughed and said, “I can’t tell you. It is a surprise.” I could feel the excitement that the Lord had. I became ecstatic instantly, but at the same time greatly nervous. What I am going to focus on is simply keeping my mind on Him while I’m on the retreat. I want to explore the gifts and abilities that God has given me. I want this Retreat to be a time where I find my true definition, and not just bits and pieces of it. I will admit that I have not been spending a lot of time with God. As a result of this, my mind has become poisoned with Earthliness. My Heavenly mindset has started to slip. I don’t want that to continue. It’s time to get back on track. It’s time to reignite the flame that once burned bright inside of me. It’s time to shine my sword, and polish my shield. It’s time to step into my calling.
Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day…
I’ve been such an ignorant fool. I’ve spent so much time wondering who my wife is. All because of a dream? I’m not saying that my dreams don’t hold truth. I’m simply saying that the truth they hold should not be uncovered until the day is right. I have put my current mission on hold. It’s been on the shelf collecting dust. It is time to put my crown back on and pick up where I left off. I remember a time when I was so in love with God. He was my every meal. He was life. I had regular conversations with him. I dreamed about him. I heard his voice. I had clarity. Then I stepped down from that. I casted it off to the side and took part in a relationship that I was never suppose to be in. I was aware of this fact, yet I ignored and let my sin consume me. Blinded by my own ignorance and drive for something great, I said it was God. I was believing every lie the enemy threw my way. It led me to the point where I was set up for marriage. Then It hit. I knew I wasn’t suppose to be in that position. The wrenching feeling in my gut was telling me so. Then the Lord spoke. Once he spoke, I knew what I had to do. I ended it. Then began the rehab stage. Which I just finished like five minutes ago. Haha. It was a stage of recouping. Filled with unclear thoughts, anger, frustration, the whole shebang. I had to overcome pride. I had to overcome every obstacle that was keeping me from seeing the truth. The truth is that we can have everything and more in Christ. He is the one who brings clarity, peace, fullness of joy. There is a reason why he is the light. He takes us out of the dark places that we find ourselves in. He is everything that matters. Nothing else is important. Nothing else can give us and promise us everything that our Father has. God is love. God is truth. God is peace. God is everything.
I’m caught between two impacting forces. One force is based on something that I have felt for a very long time. Every time I see this force I find myself fighting it’s existence. Then eventually, I acknowledge it and get it in my head that this is the one force that is suppose to be driving me. The other force is based off a dream. Sounds silly, but I take dreaming very seriously. Reason being, I’ve noticed that my dreams come true. I’ve been given a dream recently about a beautiful women with long blonde hair, and green eyes. In the dream this woman was just like me. Spirit and everything. We practically had the same relationship with God. It’s as if we were the same person. She was quiet and calm. She had such a great passion for life and it’s beauty. Obviously, you can tell by now that this is about a women. I will not mention the first women’s name just out of confidentiality. Every time I let go of one, the other strikes me. Should I forget this dream, and pursue the other? Or visa versa? Which path will lead me to my destiny? Which path will lead me to my destruction? Only God knows. He’ll reveal it to me in time. Until then, I have chosen to forget about this and focus on the things that he wants me to do.